Tuesday, February 09, 2010

It's all RANDOM

Oh my goodness, where do I start? What a jumble of thoughts and ideas that are running through my mind. I want to blog about SO many things! Let’s see how much stuff I can say in this one post! Here goes…

First off, can I just state the obvious? I love my husband. I’ll be transparent and admit that there were times early on in our marriage that I worried that I didn’t feel that true love forever feelings like I should, to be married to someone for the rest of my life, or that my husband even loved me enough either. Of course, this idea was measured in my mind by what I ‘perceived’ to be ‘true love’, based on all those romance novels that we gals seem to eat up on a daily basis. Those and epic films like Casablanca, Sixteen Candles and The Notebook! LOL (okay, Sixteen Candles is a stretch, but I always loved Jake Ryan and wanted to be his bride! LOL)

Boy was I ever wrong.

My love for my husband is a river that runs through every vein, every nerve, every thought, and every heartbeat that is in me. And not just in the romantic, swooning kind of way, although, I do still get butterflies when he is near. But in a steady, sweet, quiet, trusting way that has changed my life. Even in the midst of an argument or a blah phase of our life, I find that love can run very, very deep. Love doesn’t always have a ten-piece orchestra playing in the background. Usually the sounds of bill collectors, car trouble, clogged drains and piling up dishes and laundry are a steady beat throughout our days. But what I hear mostly in the foreground is laughter. Lots of laughter… the very best kind. The kind only true love can generate. What a beautiful life I lead! Completely imperfect and flawed and completely beautiful! Oh, and here’s a fun fact! We’ve been married for seven months now, and this Sunday will be our very first Valentine’s Day that we spend together as a couple! LOL. Life sure is colorful and full of surprises and variety isn’t it?? Gotta love it!

Okay, so for my sister’s sake, I’ll move on to my next subject! LOL (Deb can only take so much of her sister’s sappiness and believe me, she’s endured a lot of it!)

Living in “The South” has proven to be a test, a trial, a blessing, a gift and an adventure all rolled into one. We live in a town 45ish miles west of Jackson, MS called Vicksburg (also in Mississippi). For you history buffs, the famous Battle at Vicksburg was fought here during the civil war and the confederates surrendered on July 4th! Of all days! It took many years before this town recognized and celebrated Independence Day! I live within walking distance of the military park that is the actual battlefield. It is breathtaking! When I can, I’ll have to post some pictures on here. We have found that it is the perfect place to drive through after a long hard day at work. It’s peaceful, serene and scenic. When you finally exit, you feel rejuvenated and refreshed. We love it. And we love this town. It’s really cute and quaint, but with most of the conveniences that we need to make living easier and enjoyable. I just wish Sam’s Club wasn’t 38 miles away!! I love to shop there and have to make monthly trips.

Another cool thing is we live on the actual banks (or bluffs actually) of the Mighty Mississippi River! Yes it is a little bit brown at times… not the most pristine color of water, I admit, but still so beautiful! The interstate crosses it on a magnificent bridge, where when you get halfway across, lo and behold, you are now in Louisiana!! Yep, I live about 4 miles away from Louisiana. It’s so weird for me to think that I can cross state lines every day just like that. Needless to say, I’m enjoying discovering a new world and culture and a new life, even at the ripe old age of 34… LOL! (yes, yes, I know I’m a spring chicken!)

With all this newness, I’ve had a bout of losing myself. I forgot who I was and how much of me that I was letting fall to the wayside as I’ve tried to fit in and figure out where I belong in this sea of the unknown. And I did the worse thing possible. I allowed ME to disappear. My personality, my independence, my spunk and drive… withered away. Not completely, but enough that I was becoming unrecognizable. What a pitiful state to find yourself in. Well, no longer. I have come to the realization that I’m only at my best when I’m completely ME. Figuring that out was like a window opening and a cool spring breeze blowing in. Liberating. I’m getting my confidence back. My mojo. My strut in my stuff and swing in my step back. Thank God! I sure missed her!!

I can go on and on with this post. I can talk about how much I miss my family, how I long to go on a shopping spree at Macy’s, or how much I crave Del Taco! LOL! I can go on and on for paragraphs about my step-son Scott and how much I enjoy being his 2nd mom and how much I love that rascal! I can talk about my beautiful mother and how only now do I truly understand and appreciate the amazing woman that she is. I can talk about the infamous DEB and how she dazzles me daily with her talent and beauty and drive. I can talk about how sad I am to have missed the birth of my new niece and how much I miss one of my very best friends, Eileen. I could, but for now I’ll leave with one more thought.

How Great is Our God?! Words cannot even begin to describe His Greatness. As high as the heavens and as deep as earth, sky and space, He expands and exceeds our human capabilities of measurement. Not just His being, but His attributes and His ways and thoughts and acts. Incredible. Most importantly, His love is perfect, complete and flawless in every way. And all for me. I have no words. I have no way to live up to it or return even a fraction of it. All I can do is accept it. Allow Him to love me and to try to love Him with all that He put in me. Wow, allowing God to love me?? Yes, He is a gentleman and won’t force His way into my life. Who can possible refuse this type of love? I certainly can’t. And I won’t. Love me Lord… forever, love me!

Amazing Grace…. How Sweet The Sound.


Food from…
The Queen’s Table of Thought



(Photo: Aftab Uzzaman)

7 comments:

Becky said...

A beautiful and heartfelt post. Glad to know that you're settling into married life so comfortably.

I always miss Del Taco when I'm away, too, lol.

Beans are really good for morning sickness, btw...

The Daily Bee said...

I'm so glad your ME is back becuase I sure missed her!

I can't wait to see this historic grounds.

LOVE your love rant for God. I needed to hear that.

AJ said...

Beautifully written. Each word dipped in innocence.

Liked it.

hapi said...

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